The Mourning of the Car

Driving to work on Thursday, I get into a lovely little car accident. *Sigh* The guy in front of me stopped pretty suddenly and I didn't. It was on back roads, not the freeway, so I was only going about 35... I should have been paying more attention probably, and I did slam on my brakes but not NEARLY in enough time. I hit him pretty hard.

Nobody was hurt. He did not have a scratch, mark, or ANYTHING on his car.

My car didn't look too bad, but it was leaking fluid and I decided it wasn't drive-able so I had it towed. Called the insurance company, called the husband, filled out the police report, etc, etc....All while trying not to cry and shake. Which I ended up doing both anyway. I ended up going back home because I was a wreck emotionally. I called work and let them know I wasn't going to be in today and would get some work done from home. Which I did, actually - surprisingly enough.

I felt like I was on the verge of crying all day yesterday. Kids were home and it was hard to explain that to them. They were concerned and glad I wasn't hurt physically. Hard to explain I was hurt on the inside. Completely shaken. I had made plans to go to my best friends house to hang out with them and realized that would be hard now that I don't have a car. But my friend came to the rescue and offered to pick me up and take me anyway. Thank you, J. She knew I needed the *gurl* time in a bad way. And she was so right. Like she almost always is.

So Thursday night was spent in the company of 2 of the best females I know on this planet, eating a MAGNIFICENT dinner that E had cooked up, and drinking some apple-y concoction that got me pretty drunk pretty fast.

And the cool "I didn't know I needed that but I guess I did" part? Riding back and forth in the van with J and her AMAZING kid while singing to BareNaked Ladies Snacktime? That was probably the most comforting of the whole night! Who da thunk?

Sleeping Thursday was....interesting. I was in this state of total muscle relaxation from the drinking and fell asleep pretty fast. But I woke up at 4am with very vivid, harsh images of the crash stinging my mind. Every time I closed my eyes? I could re-live those 3 seconds before the crash, just as I was about to hit him. That slow-motion replay our minds do when you know something bad is about to happen but you are helpless to stop it. So I would close my eyes, hit the car and jerk my eyes open out of response. Over and over. Finally, about 5 am, I just got up, showered and got ready for work. *Sigh* I was exhausted but my body wasn't having any of it.

The saga continues...

Yesterday I find out that the insurance is deeming my car as a total loss. Yeah, that's right. They ain't fixing it. I guess I didn't realize how much I really loved my Jeep until I heard that. I felt like I'd been kicked in the gut all over again. AND! You'll love this. I had JUST paid off the car on Monday. Yeah, as in 2 days befor the Accident Monday. I had just paid off the final $25 bucks which had been on there and I hadn't known about it. I thought I had paid it off last month, but when I went into the bank for something else, the lady told me I still had $25 on the Jeep and would I like to pay that now? I thought Hell yeah, let's pay that puppy off!

The silver lining is just that, though, I guess. At least now I won't have to pay any of this insurance money to the bank. It's all mine to do whatever I want with car-wise. I won't find out how much I'll get for the Jeep until Monday. The insurance lady said that just looking at my car, I have a lot of positives going for it. The mileage is low for the year it is. I have a couple options that other cars don't have, etc, etc.

Then it's off to go car shopping. Which should be kinda exciting, I guess. But I really really love my Jeep. And the thought of having to go select anothter car? Daunting. Exhausting. Just don't wanna (insert whiny pout here). I don't want another car. And with the gas like it is (with no end of getting better in sight) I'll probably have to go with a sedan or something small so we can get better mileage. I realize that. But I like having a bigger car. I like driving up high. So I need to get over that hump. I need to see that maybe this is a good thing. Maybe I can get a car with really great gas mileage that I can fall in love with like the Jeep.

I'm not there yet. I'm still in denial and mourning. I'll get there. Eventually.

And yes, I'm SO SO SO Grateful I was not hurt, that nobody was hurt. It seriously could have been much much worse. Every time I think of how that *could* have turned out? ~shudder~ Yeah, I'm gonna be fine and it's just a car, Kel.